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Chuckles of the Day




The Insemination Man Is Coming

Mary, a blonde city girl, marries an older New Zealand dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, old farmer John says to Mary, “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow’s stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”

So then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Mary takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one… right here.”

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy old blonde gal, the man asks, “Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?”

“That”s simple. By the nail over its stall”, Mary explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, “What’s the nail for?”

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, “I guess it’s to hang your trousers on.”

* * * * * * *

Shot 6 Times in the Back

Last Thursday night, an elderly woman from Houston, Texas was arrested, jailed, and charged with manslaughter for shooting a man 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse. The following Monday morning, the old lady was called in front of the arraignment judge, sworn in, and asked to explain her actions.

The woman replied, “Your Honor, I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home. I had just cashed my social security check at the bank earlier in the day. I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol that my late husband gave me for protection. The pistol was in my purse, that was hung over my left shoulder. All of a sudden I was being spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away from me with my purse. I looked down at my right hand and I saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol. The next thing I remember is saying out loud, “No way punk! You’re not stealing my money.” I raised my right shaking hand, pointed my pistol at the man running away from me with my purse, and squeezed the trigger of my pistol repeatedly!”

When asked by the arraignment judge, “Why did you shoot the man 6 times?”

The woman replied, under oath, “Because, when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it only went click.”

The woman was acquitted of all charges. Don’t mess with old folks ya hear.





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